Breaking the Cycle
Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard. Especially if we come from a family (and these days who doesn't) that has a history of some type of violence and/or drug abuse whereas this phrase is told to us over and over. "Yes, you have had a bad hand in life. Life is not fair. But the best thing you can do is raise your head and break the cycle of violence in your life". It seems to me that "break the cycle" has to do with some type of horrific traumatizing event that may have been re-occurring for many years (abuse of a spouse or child) or a one time unexpected event (a mugging or rape that leaves a life long scar). What if there is another cycle that is not so "in your face" apparent, but rather a silent cycle that is not recognized anymore as it is a universal disease that no one really notices anymore. What if dying an uncelebrated life is a cycle all of its own? As I have been trying to break my own cycle of work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep after countless years, which can lead to nothing but contempt, bitterness and anger, I am trying to break the cycle of teaching this very learned behavior to my son. I have the thoughts lately (seems to be all the time now) that life is not forever. It could actually be gone tomorrow. Did I waste today? I may not have found the cure for Aids or cancer or war, but did I make someone smile today? Did I have some type of positive influence on someone's life, even if it was just my own? Did I enjoy the sunrise? My son came bounding down the stairs the other day looking for a battery. He recently received a metal detector for his birthday. Seeing as he is so in love with money at this stage of his life he could not wait to get that baby warmed up. He told tales of finding wild amounts of hidden treasures as only a young child could possibly imagine and what he would do with his massive new bounty. "I would give 500 hundred to Gramps; I would put 500 hundred in the bank; I would keep 200 hundred for myself; I would give 200 hundred to the house and I would give all the rest to the poor people." My heart filled with joy with the fact that "I would buy the best video game systems and all the video games I want for the rest of my life", (which is what we used to dream about) didn't come out of his mouth. Houston, we may be making progress here. I have vowed to raise my son with respect. Respect for people, respect for women and respect for himself. We step aside on the sidewalk for adults and most especially women. We open the door for others and most especially women. We treat other people and their property with respect as we would expect the same from them. When I mention an uncelebrated life, I don't mean a life that deserves the "medal of honor" but a life of love, happiness and laughter. When the heck did I turn 33? I turned 33 while working to pay the bills and while trying to "make something of myself". Now I know that I am something and I have always been something. I am something all my own and unique to me that no one else but me can be and what a shame it is that I don't share myself with the world (or in a smaller more likely circle, my friends and family). My special brand of something has been lost in the quest to make more money, get a better house, and get a better car, so I can actually be a worthy adult and satisfied with my station in life. What a load of bull! Now I am satisfied with my station (my house, my car, my job) and anything else that comes along is a bonus and how lucky am I? What I have to do now is find the full potential of my special something and how can I apply it to the people around me for the greater good? Now, I have lost a lot of years with the false notion that what you have is what you are, so I have to hurry my process up a bit if I want to get a good 20-30 years of making a difference, but my son is young. And young people have the most valuable commodity known to man. They have youth. Youth meaning, energy, imagination and invincibility. It is up to me now to not beat this most wonderful trait out of him by saying, "do good in school so you can go to college, so you can get a good job, so you can have a nice house, so you can marry the perfect wife, so you can have a huge mortgage and massive credit car debt so the by the time your 40 you hate your life". I think you get the picture. Deepak Chopra said in one of his books that he told his children not to worry about school and not to worry about money. That he would provide for them no matter what. They were to just concentrate on that one thing that makes them special. Of course, they went to the best colleges and have wonderful jobs and became successful. He has broken the cycle. Thank you, Deepak. I, too, wish to break this cycle. I wish for my son to go on and find the reason why he is here on this earth, or at the very least what can he contribute that no one else can so when he is nearing the end of his life he can look back and say "Damn I am going to miss this life. It was fun!" Barbara Davidson is the creator of the "We Can Change Today" website
http://www.wecanchangetoday.com encouraging and experimenting with change.
Related News
Fisher: Happiness is an empty nest - San Jose Mercury News
Fisher: Happiness is an empty nestSan Jose Mercury News, USA -Aug 26, 2008By Patty Fisher I fingered the cell phone in my pocket, wondering if it was ever going to ring. It had been more than 40 hours since we'd hugged our younger ... |
A Salmon's Tale: Why Happiness Beats Going Belly Up - Area Developer
Why happiness is a postcode lottery - Independent
Sahara Centre spreads light of happiness this Ramadan - AME Info
Sorry, Germaine, but for most families, happiness remains vaguely ... - Times Online
Accepting your appearance key to happiness - Burnaby Now
Accepting your appearance key to happinessBurnaby Now, Canada -12 hours agoBut beyond meeting our real needs, increasing income does not ensure happiness or even satisfaction. Some of the unhappiest people I have met have much more ... |
Happiness may protect against cancer - The Australian
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It is now 5 years since I passed out of college and started working. I
love working. I am not a workaholic but I love working. There is a lot
of pressure in the work we all do. This era is all about speed.
Everything around us moves at the speed of thought. And the wise
guys from the big B-Schools would tell you to be there at the right
time or else you'll loose the next big opportunity. All of us try to
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treasure, success, happiness or whatever one may like to call it.
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behavior. In the beginning I used to get surprised (sometimes even
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say that he feels burnt out. But then if you look at it closely, the
kid is right. He is burnt out before he even starts because he is
always expected to perform beyond what his mind and body can take.
There is always this sense of urgency within all of us that usually
keeps us unhappy no matter what we achieve.
I too was in this rat race till my mother taught me the most important
lesson of my life and that is about being in the present and enjoying
every moment of it. Sadly though I had lost my mother by then. I still
remember that day on 18th December 2002 when I was thinking about my
mother in the back of my mind but yet I stayed in the office as
we had this requirement to get the ISDN up in our office. I was scared
that if the leased lines goes down we'll not have an alternative. So I
sat with the providers and did not listen to my heart. As a result by
the time I went to see my mom it was too late. I wish I had followed my
heart instead. That is when I realized that the ISDN
connection had no real significance in my life and yet I gave it an
unwanted priority.
Here are some rules I live by now which I hope would help all of you.
They say that it is best to learn from others mistakes. 6 basic rules
that we must all follow to be happy -
Live in the present -
Most good books on better living talk about being in the present. You cannot
afford to think and live in the past. Neither can you think about the
future all the time. You do not know what would happen in the future.
You do not have control over it. This does not mean that we should not
plan. It just means that we do not need to over stress ourselves
thinking about what would happen in the future.
Let me explain with a simple example. You want to go for a
vacation. You need to plan and buy the tickets in time. But it does not
mean that when you are in the train or aircraft you start running
inside it. You'll not reach any faster than all the other passengers
who are traveling with you.
However, do remember that you must learn from your past and improve
upon
it. The food from Pizza Hut is fattening. This means that it would
remain the same, unless they do some major changes to the way pizzas
are made. So saying that I cannot think about the past and I should
keep going over and over again to Pizza Hut does no make sense.
Also another important point is that you must learn to visualize about
the future. When I was kid our swimming coach used to talk a lot about
the power of visualization. He used to say that if you going for a
competition tomorrow, the previous night one should visualize the
entire event. It goes like this - I
feel light and energetic. The weather is great for swimming. I am going
to get the best place. My start is perfect. I have a perfect dive in
the water. The water is not too hot neither is it too cool. It is just
right for me. My breathing is perfect and my strokes are perfect and
coordinated. I am the winner...
Simulate the same situation when you are facing a client or an ISO
auditor.
Another aspect I'll like to point out here is that some people get into
the urgency because they feel insecure about the future. They think "If
I die my wife or family would face a
lot of problems... " In the process they start taking insurance
policies
left and right, try to buy a house etc.. In many cases they are not
able to keep up with all the liabilities and in that tension many do
really die. One must plan and have a secure future but
never over do anything. Take commitments only when it is possible to
live up to the commitment.
In short it all boils down to one thing. Be happy and live in the
moment. Enjoy every moment of it. Because the present will become the
past tomorrow and you need to cherish it then.
Never have any anger -
There
are times we are unhappy because we have anger against somebody. That
really does not help. All it does is make us sad. In no way does it
effect the person who has angered you. As in my case I was angry with
the providers for having given us a good for nothing ISDN modem. What I
lost in return was a lot more. It is not possible for us to not get
angry because the reason why one gets angry is when things do not work
the way we want it to. When people do not behave the way we want them
to. And this would continue to happen. The best we can do is focus on
something else in such situations. That makes us more relaxed. Also, be
grateful for what you have and do not think about what you do not have.
There are many in this world who are less
fortunate than we are.
Never have an ego -Most of us have a big ego which makes us all worse than what we think we are. We
are nobody to judge another person. We are nobody to justify our
actions on others because of what they did to us. In most cases when we
do something against a person it would due to some false ego we have
inside us. "How could he do this to
me. I'll show him who I am".... Like I said a little while ago.
I am nobody. If somebody treats you bad it is his fault and there no
need for you to teach him a lesson. He needs to have self realization
about it. Most of our epics is about teaching a lesson to the other
person. I remember as a kid watching Mahabharat and Ramayana on TV,
most of times somebody would be testing somebody else's ego.
When I do talk about ego, I feel it is necessary to talk about self esteem
too..
Both these are very different. We all must have a level of self esteem
and dignity. But we must not allow somebody else to treat us as a door
mat. If you do not
like what the other person did to you. Cut off the relation or
remove the expectations.
Take pride in who you are
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